My Aha Month

It started out mediocre. Sure, I loved the newborn nursery--who can't resist the warm and cuddly babies, swaddling, letting them suck on your finger to quiet them and talking about how breastmilk is one of the best things on earth? :) Intermediate care (step-down from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) was not terrible but we were mostly just making sure preemies were growing; it was like gardening, really. But not enough action for me.

Clinic picked up the pace. Pediatric clinic is fun because the kids aren't interested in spending the whole day there so they're not talking your ears off (ahem, some adults). And when their parents were the ones talking your ears off, you silently thank your blessings you're dealing with anxious parents and not totally negligent parents...And then heme/onc clinic. Wow, what an awesome clinic. I fell in love. I saw 16 year old kids who had leukemia when they were 3 and doing perfectly fine, a 4 year old getting chemo in the clinic, kids getting bone marrow biopsies and intrathecal methotrexate, a 16 year old with ITP who had been menstrual bleeding for 30+ days (sound familiar??), kids with chronically low WBC counts with super rare genetic disorders...I mean I was just fascinated by the variety and the severity of the illnesses...that and in heme/onc clinic, any kid you see might need to be admitted to the hospital that hour.

Ah and then the wards. I loved my patients. I seriously loved seeing my kids pre-rounding. One of my post-op heart surgery patients, a 9 month old, was pretty fussy with the rest of the doctors, but I would spend a couple minutes with him first, letting him play with my stethoscope and pet his cute head and make him feel loved, before I examined him; it was a special 10 minutes I had with him. I loved talking to him and telling him he looks just like his mother who I knew wouldn't be back in the hospital until 9 am or so. Or my 6 year old kid who told me he loved me when he wished me good night. Or the thankful grandma of my 1 yr old girl who was being ruled out for TB since I was the main person from the team letting them know the plan for the day and what we are thinking. Not only did I love my patients but I LOVED their diseases. Prader-Willi, Citrobacter brain abscess, idiopathic severe IVH in a full-term baby, CF, all types of cardiac abnormalities, Cushing disease, Schwachman-Diamond, Langerhans cell histiocytosis, much more.

My Healer's Art mentor back when I was a first year (oh so long ago) told me that I had a special gift for children and that he knew I wouldn't waste that. Well, I think I've found my calling. Physician to our little ones and young ones. I can't wait :)

Change of Plans

i think i love pediatrics. shoot.

i also think God is playing a joke on me this year....ha-ha.

The Abundant Life

Yesterday, we had a post-Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house. My grandparents were there with their three daughters with their respective husbands and children, two of my dad's sisters with their families, and my mom's cousin and his wife. Invariably, the conversation turned into recalling which street in Khartoum they lived on back in the day.

Here we were, many members of our family together, full and satisfied from the zighni, molokhiya and maccarona beshamel we had for dinner, nostalgic for the days when our families lived within walking distance of the other. Now, we rely on skype, facebook, long car rides, and transatlantic flights. But it's all worth it when we're together. May God bless us both in times of plenty and in want, in joy and in sadness. Thank you Lord for our abundant life--we give You thanks. +

Growing Up

I know it's not Thanksgiving yet but today I was feeling very grateful to God for my life. A few things happened today that made me feel this way. Today was our "sex ed" day. Of course, I was disturbed by a lot of things taught, offended a couple times--but I expected that. But I also felt really thankful that I had grown up in the Church. I actually feel bad for people who are taught lies from media and unfortunately even from health care professionals about what a healthy sex life is. I'm thankful that I was raised in a community that cares about my emotional, psychological and spiritual health and not just about whether or not I get an STD or get pregnant. I am also grateful that I wasn't given "autonomy" to decide for myself. I'm not perfect by any standards but I think that if I was a teenager growing up in a home that thought it was okay to "experiment" and that that was a "normal part of growing up", I would've gotten myself into a lot more trouble, especially spiritually. God has given us rules to protect us from the consequences of sin. We all sin but living a life of sin, being complacent in it, and not repenting is not ok; it only hurts us.

The next thing of course was the complete opposite. Today we had an informal remembrance gathering with John's wife and their kids. I think of her often and my heart really breaks for her. She shared that the first 6 months or so, God had really provided her peace about things and she was managing well but in the last few months, things have been harder. I don't know what I would do if I were in her place but I can't imagine what she's going through. She talked about how she misses being a "med student's wife". That made me feel weird because I am the med student. She's my age and has two kids. I am ....single, childless. haha. I just thought it was interesting because there were a few girls there that were unmarried and here she was, sitting there with her two kids on her lap but saying she feels like she has "no identity" now that John is gone. I've struggled with this before--what does the modern woman want. And really, we want it all. I love med school and medicine and knowing that I will be a M.D. but of course I also want to get married and have kids...and preferably sooner rather than later. And I think that if I had to choose, either get married and have kids or be a doctor....I'd get married and have kids. Because in the end, to me, family is a lot more important than anything. Hmmm...

A Must Share

Since I'm on my newborn block of peds, I wanted to share this. Even though I'm not going to be a neonatologist or even a pediatrician, you do learn a lot of practical information on this rotation!

Here are some good tips: http://www.c00lstuff.com/1133/Do_s_and_don_ts_with_babies/

enjoy!

Broodiness

When I was visiting Manchester last August, one of my friends caught me looking at a young couple with their toddler and baby. He called me out, "Why are you being so broody?!" At the time, I didn't know what that word was so he informed me and I said, "O yea, that's a good description of me."

Anyways time passed since then. I wasn't feeling in a rush to have my own kids until this week working in the newborn nursery. AHHHHHH. My natural maternal instincts/desires are on over-drive. I love them. And I want one. And I'm learning all these things like "creating a 'fourth trimester'" and "recreating the womb" and its all amazing.

I can't get over this. I love when a baby's eyes are open (I have a thing with eyes clearly--see last post). And I love when a baby sucks on my finger (trying to quiet them while we get an EKG). How then does a mother feel breastfeeding his child? I can't even imagine. Being the source of everything for .....(what is a good description of what I'm trying to say?).

I feel like I'm "stuck" right now in my life. I so badly want to move forward and do things like get married, have a home, have kids...but I know God has His amazing plan for me, He knows what I want more than I even do.

Eyes Open

This afternoon, we had to have a difficult conversation with one of my patients and his wife about goals of care. His wife brought up the subject: they were thinking about stopping treatment, going home and letting him die in peace. The conversation was good and I was like wow, this is so straightforward....until the patient opened his eyes (he spends most of the day asleep) and began looking around, and looking at me. He was a very different looking person with his eyes open, I thought to myself. He looks so alive with his eyes open. His eyes made me sad for him. When his eyes were closed, I thought it was good that he was going to die soon; he's been through a lot and he's only at more risk of us killing him if we try to continue treating him. But with his eyes open, I wanted him to live. For his wife, who had eyes red from sleeping in the hospital every night with him, who is the one giving him his tube feeds and suctioning his mouth so he doesn't continue to aspirate.

When the attending was done talking to her, I left the room because I didn't want my eyes to water. The intern was stronger than I, he stayed a few seconds longer and gave the wife a hug; she was in tears.

I can't imagine how this wife looks at her husband like this. Most likely his last days since we'll be stopping antibiotics soon. She remembers their fifty years of life together. She thinks of how different her life will be without him. She probably thinks of her own death as she watches her husband die. How quickly life passes. Tonight, I lift a prayer for my patient and his lovely wife.

Mid-Year Crisis

So I've finished a week of Medicine (not even actually) and although our patients are interesting, I'm starting to wonder if Internal Medicine is really my calling. First, I realized that I just might miss the surgery culture.

"Doris, you look different with clothes on." That's what my resident told me that a surgeon said to one of the nurses when he saw her in the elevator with her normal clothes on (not her scrubs, cap, etc.)

I also miss Surgery rounds. For the most part, I have three questions to ask the patient. Are you in pain? Can you eat without throwing up? Are you pooping? And then I would check if their Foley was in place and look at the wound site/dressing. Life was so easy. Now, I have to listen for heart murmurs, try to localize abnormal lung sounds, and look at fundi! Ahhh. Whyyyyyy. I mean, Plastics patients were some of the most complicated I had dealt with at the time, but my medicine problems lists are insane. I don't mind it but.....

Sometimes I feel like we talk about the patient and what we should do with the patient more than actually BE with the patient. I usually only see my patients when I pre-round and then randomly during the day if I need to see if they're really agitated or the nurse just wants Seroquel to make her life easier or to get their mom's cell phone number to update her. People criticize people that don't go into medicine because they have limited interaction with the patient but....I don't call that much interaction with patients!

I also don't like spending the post-rounds day waiting for lab results to come back only to tweak meds or to decide to order the next test. That and is it just me or is there a TON OF ADMIN WORK in medicine? Ughkk...the whole day we're just documenting stuff, telling other people what we've documented and then repeating the process. Lame.

So, in recap. I'm a 3rd year med student and I'm having a mid-year crisis. Notably because I thought I would fall in love with medicine, but now I'm having doubts....

Can't do surgery because I can't do the lifestyle, hours, lack of food.
And possibly, can't do medicine because there's not enough excitement in the day...

Whyyyyyy is my life changing so dramatically all at the same time?! Change in relationship status. Change in future specialty. Whyyyyy???

Hoping for some inspiration....

Me Time

Last weekend, I had lunch with a good friend who shared with me some of the things on her "singles' bucket list"--basically a list of things she wants to do or work on during our time of being single. Being single again is hard, but I'm going to use it as time God has given me to work on myself and do things for me that I didn't necessarily have time for before.

Tonight was my first night back in Charlottesville, alone and without any one to pass the time with. So I went to the gym, and after I showered, decided I would treat myself tonight. Pajamas on, I watched a movie, lit my favorite Sandalwood incense, put on an aromatherapy face mask, and made myself french-vanilla coffee (yes, at 9 pm) to go with my biscotti.

I'm going to try to cook an actual meal at least once a week (I'm used to going to the grocery store and picking up Lean Cuisines for the week). More studying at Barnes & Noble instead of my room. Reading spiritual books and leisure books (I'm dying to read Of Love and other Demons by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez...but I have to wait until Medicine is over). Doing a better job of keeping in touch with my friends back at home while I'm at school.

What else should I add to my list? (My friend's list was a lot more exotic, adventurous but ...I'm not going to try to kid myself...this girl is not backpacking Europe anytime soon.)

AIM

I'm actually a bit sad that AIM is over. Not only was the schedule good, but I actually liked the work (most days), thought my patients were interesting and ....I got to live at home!

Two favorite moments among many, of course:

"Doctor, my fasting glucose was 99 in this last lab.....I guess I should cut back on the chocolate." "No....I don't think that's necessary ma'am. You're 90. You can have as much chocolate as you want....as long as you're having chocolate as every meal I don't care how much you have." Awesome...can't wait till I get older!!!

Another patient:
"Do you drink coffee?"
"Nope."
"Soda?"
"Nope...."
"Ok good..."
"Well....I usually need 2 Red Bulls a day in addition to my Provigil."

That being said, on the last day, my preceptor told me, "Grace I'm flattered you're interested in medicine....but....you could do better." !!!????!!!! WHAT. "You should obviously choose something you are somewhat interested in academically or whatever but I would suggest you think really hard about lifestyle and income....so you know, just don't forget that I told you that."

dumdumdummmm.....

The Good Ole Days

I had a patient, a 80-something year old man tell me how his wife's condition was deteriorating. She was having memory problems and was starting to become a danger to herself. He was a director of a big association here in NoVa, often traveling around the country.

"I've never missed a meeting. We have about 50 meetings a year around the nation but I told them, I can't come to Texas next month. They told me it's just a week-we'll pay for everything so it won't be a burden, just come. I told them, I'm not going to leave my bride home alone for a week for work. I have my priorities straight."

They are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary next week. My patients are truly inspirational, I pray that God has a husband like that for me.

Honey and the Moon

Some times of the day, I feel like I'm managing well. I have a feeling of peace that God let this happen, this unexpected turn of events. And other times, I wonder what happened.

"God loves Grace." "Tell her to not be upset about 2.5 years, my husband left me after 22 years telling me 'we are different'" "Bi'ism il-salib (in the name of the cross)

It's also not easy when people say, "You will find someone better" or point out little things that were not perfect. The truth is I loved him. He was amazing to me. Now that we are no more, I'm trying to think of times when I can look back and say "Yes, thank God we're not together anymore." But all our memories are beautiful, at least they were for me. From how I felt when he held my hand during our walks, to him driving 7.5 hours to see me, to cooking together, spending time in Barnes and Noble reading magazines, emailing and texting all day, talking at night, not wanting to leave each other's presence. He loved me so much. I loved him so much and I knew he loved me. So what happened?

"Someone else will make you happier than I can." Is that possible.

Time Flies

So I'm on Geriatrics right now ....which means I never blogged during Plastics. That was mostly because I had no free time on Plastics and any extra time not doing my daily post-work activities of eating, showering and reading meant going to bed a little earlier. I did like Plastics--it's a fun field, I got to actually assist in the OR (did a skin graft by myself!) and saw a lot of different things. A couple take-home points from plastics:

1. If God-forbid I get breast cancer and require a mastectomy, I think I will elect to not undergo breast reconstruction. What a long process....

2. Whoever said that in the US cosmetic surgery is never paid for is wrong, breast CA survivors get reconstruction covered by the government. Mind you that after the first two surgeries, a lot of the reconstruction process IS cosmetic...but it's still covered.

3. A plastic surgeon analyzes your appearance just like a psychiatrist psycho-analyzes you during conversation.

4. Posture is important. Your speech should be clear and free of "umm's". Appearance is important because that and the dressings are the only thing a patient sees.

5. I hope I never get burned.

Ok, on to geriatrics! Yesterday, one of my patients in clinic was the oldest sports captain still alive! Some of my patients are retired physicians, psychology professors, CEOs of national companies, artists...they're quite wonderful, actually.

My 87 year old patient today, Mrs. B, told me that she makes all her clothes and that she used to make pants for her mother when she was younger (gasp! pants!!). "I still only wear skirts and long slips because you see, I don't wear undergarments. I used to but I kept getting rashes so I just stopped." What a lady.

Urology Week 1

Urologists are known for having interesting personalities....after all, they are the docs/surgeons of the urogenital tract. Some of my favorites from this week:

"They look different out of bed"
-Chief resident when she didn't recognize one of our patients who was walking around the ward


"I can definitely help you get an erection."
-Attending to a paraplegic patient (MVA survivor) when telling her he can't get erections anymore


"What is that in his upper inner thigh? A gigantic skin tag? A lipoma? Should I take it off???" "No! Leave it alone--its probably his lucky charm."
-A resident asking the attending before doing a prostatic resection and her answer.

many more but im forgetting now....maybe because im exhausted from working from 5 am to 7 pm....

Trusting the Patient

I get paged by my resident to go see a 21 year old girl in the ED. Apparently, over the last 3 weeks she has become paraplegic and can't walk. I go in the room and her grandma is there having Taco Bell and the girl is laying in the bed in stupor, coming in and out of sleep. She more or less refuses to talk, has an odd affect and so I use the grandma as my source of information. The story doesn't make sense and my biases start coming into play. What is this girl doing? What is really going on here? Is there a motive to act paralyzed? Is this conversion disorder--was there a recent significant life stressor? Is this factitious disorder, is this malingering? What is going on? Looking at old hospital records only assured my biases-she had gone to two hospitals in the last 10 days both of which told her nothing was neurologically wrong, that she should go home.

Well, today I checked up on her...in the critical care ward. Her mother and grandmother were already in tears when I came in, her grandma gave me a hug when she saw me. I asked them how things were going and to fill me in on what they knew since I am not on the patient's treatment team (just checking up on my consult patient). They asked if I had seen her MRI-I had...that was the reason I came of course. It was terrible looking with demyelinating lesions throughout her brain and spinal cord. The patient began crying and in an attempt to console her, I told her that at least she was in the hospital being worked-up now and beginning treatment rather than being told that "this isn't real" and being sent home. Nonetheless, a lot to handle for a young woman.

Today I re-learned to trust a patient. When things don't make sense, it requires further investigation not dismissal.

What Just Happened?

Today was my last day with my psych attending. Next week he's attending the APA conference. Something strange happened today. I left the ED to go to his office to have him sign off my "passport" (a list of things I am supposed to have done during my psych rotation) and get final feedback from him (so that my eval is not a total surprise). Well, it went fine. He stressed two points: (1) beware of the unconscious and (2) when making decisions affecting a patient, ask yourself "if this patient were my brother or mother or father or daughter, would I make the same decision?" If the answer is yes, you most likely made the right decision, if not, re-evaluate yourself and your plan. After I shook his hand and he parted with his final advice to me as I carry on in the rest of third year, I felt I needed a minute so I went to the ladies room. And that's when the strange thing happened. A few tears fell. I had a little bit of the feeling I have when I meet a priest or an ascetic or sometimes a child that really touches my spirit. I realized that perhaps at that moment, "the spirit stirred within me" because my attending was a different kind of person, a kind of person who often makes you critically examine yourself and puts you in uncomfortable positions. But he is incredibly deep and empathetic. He was absolutely fascinating to watch in his zone, i.e. the role of the psychoanalyst.

Many people (students and residents) can't stand him. He is almost the antithesis of efficiency, he is old-school and he is not easy to please nor to understand. I had many times when I was annoyed and frustrated with him too, but I every day I learned something I couldn't learn from a book from him. He taught me things about myself that I now how to face. How do I deal with my emotions? Where and how do I adopt a "theory of mind" so that I don't get burnt out from medicine or take what patients say to me too personally?

I don't know how to finish this blog properly because my internal conversation is not finished. What does God want me to do now?

The Unconscious and our Spirituality

Since my attending is fascinated with the "unconscious" mind, we spend a lot of time talking about the subject and today we discussed something that really clicked with me. We talked about patients that we hate and what to do with them. The bottom line is that you need to REALIZE and KNOW that you have certain feelings toward people or things. If you are consciously aware of your feelings towards a patient for example then you can CONSCIOUSLY control how you behave towards them. For example, if I know that Mr. Star Trek really annoys me with his manic behaviors and that I hate him for that, I can better moderate my own reactions to him and know how to interact with him in the correct way. If instead I don't acknowledge that I actually cannot stand the man, I don't have control over my actions with him (because unconscious thoughts are by definition uncontrollable) and may do something inappropriate.

The same with sin. If I know my weak spots and what tempts me, I can exercise better self-control. If I don't ever put in time to think about my sinfulness or lusts or desires, I will never be able to control myself because I haven't implanted the idea in my head that I NEED to...and that is dangerous.

War is Hell

This quote was said first by William Sherman (Union general in the Civil War) and again by my attending today after we met Edgar Allen Poe, our patient today who is suffering from terrible PTSD after returning from Iraq a couple years ago. I'm conservative but I believe war is hell. The world is not our home. How could we regard the world our home when it is such a dark place? We live in the world but the world is not our home.

Today Edgar Allen Poe cried in front of us as he remembered the day he lost two friends with him while they were driving in a HumVee. "Why not me?" "Why didn't I die?" His thoughts went back and forth saying how he thought about this a lot and talking about how much he missed his daughter and wife. Tears continued to stream much like they had been flowing yesterday while talking to his wife. "I just have so much on my mind...that's why I just end up doping myself so that I can block these thoughts," he was referring to his opiate use.

The psych unit is a sad place for so many reasons. War is hell. You don't just go serve your duty abroad for one year and come back. You come back different and for some people, they suffer for the rest of their life. I see a little of the hell they experienced in the eyes of our warriors. While we live so comfortably, our warriors bear the sacrifice of mental and physical suffering.

First Day on the Psych Ward

So it's been a long time since I last blogged and I blame that on Boards. I don't have much to say about the boards process except that my most recent memory before boards was palm sunday apparently and that my life after that is a big blank because things that will remain unspoken happened in the time between then and my vacation to the uk/egypt.

Anyways, on to important matters--like our subconscious. My attending, an eclectic psychiatrist, asked me on the first day of my first rotation as a 3rd year med student if I believed I had a subconscious. Actually, I had no idea what one was--I thought maybe it's kind of like Freud's superego if that was really Freud and if the term really is superego. You see--a student studying for Boards learns to recognize words, associations and patterns. Deep psychological theory is not on the Exam. But anyways, I answered in the affirmative because it seemed like the right answer and feared he would ask me to defend my answer. He didn't and just responded, "Good."

This article talks about a few studies done to understand the role of the subconscious and going by my first day with psych patients today, I do believe I gave the right answer. The subconscious uses subliminal messages in the environment to guide our minds to think in a certain way. Today, I was walking from a lecture to the acute care psych ward I work at. I have a two really "scary" patients. They are criminals. They beat their wives. They are addicted to the strongest of drugs. They rob drug dealers (and all that comes with that task). They're on probation in multiple areas. Additionally, they are covered in tattoos, have needle marks up their arms bilaterally and are branded. I'm the type of person that walks into CVS and makes sure I look everyone up and down as they pass me to make sure they are not "suspicious" looking or get enough information about them so that if something were to happen, I'd have something to offer the cops. I am also super anxious when I'm around people that don't fit my well-kempt, polite and high-class standards. But today, this was different. I felt fine, even safe, being in a room with these people. Maybe it was because I was wearing a white coat and they were wearing hospital uniforms. Maybe it was because they were the ones who were a bit scared. I went to two patients to get them to do a mental exercise for me and they were relieved when I told them they were done after a couple minutes (all they had to do was draw a clockface with the time I told them)---they thought it was some "trick" on them or something that would "catch" them and require them to face consequences. Maybe it was because on paper, people that look really terrible, are simply very broken people. And when you realize that you don't have to be afraid. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really love my patients. My first patients on my first day as a third year have already proved to be great teachers.

His Sweet Aroma

Today, many people in this world are oblivious to what happened today. The Lord Jesus Christ, the beloved Son of God, was hung on a tree, nailed and crucified so that me and you are not condemned forever, so that we could have Victory.

Father Anthony gave a wonderful sermon today. The basic sin that people who are not in the Church commit is that they do not trust God. Lifestyle choices--these are extraneous things--but it is an inability and refusal to trust in God, like Judas, is their sin. For those of us in Church, our "Judas" sin is self-reliance. We foolishly judge His plans, judge how He is working in the world and think we know better than Him. Self-reliance is just as bad if not worse than living outside of the Church. We do not deserve ANYTHING good from God. God gives to us as He pleases. Thinking like Judas, known as a "man whose words were smoother than oil", only leads on a path to destruction and then we find ourselves dry, empty, discouraged and frustrated. What was Judas' end? He hung himself. Self-destruction is the consequence of not living fully with God.

My favorite chant of Good Friday:

This is He who presented Himself upon the Cross, an acceptable sacrifice for the salvation of our race.His Good Father inhaled His sweet aroma on Golgotha at the time of the evening.

May the blessings of the Holy Week and the Glorious Resurrection be with us.

Final Cumulative Exams

Exams have gotten in the way of my blogging but just to keep you all updated on what life is like as a 2nd year studying for our marathon-long exam period and then continuing the marathon to take the US Medical Liscencing Exam, one of my classmates emailed us a copy of Frank Kafka's "In the Penal Colony". That's a pretty good description.

24

I haven't actually celebrated my birthday like most people celebrate theirs since....high school? I've always had something---exams to study for (my current situation), MCATs, Lent ruining my dream of having a good cake from Chandler's bakery, etc. And since I'm not a big "birthday" person anyways, I'm become okay with that.

This year, my parents visited me, bearing lots of Lenten food---fava beans, falafel, fruits, nuts, even a vegan cake that my sister baked. The Charlottesville flower man made a nice delivery to me, too :) :) and I came home from the gym to find that one of my roommates had baked me cookies and left a sweet card for me.

School takes its toll on me, emotionally more than anything else. When I'm in my artifical, closed-off world of the library, I am fine with my pretty pathetic daily routine. But when I taste a bit of the real and beautiful life, whether that's having lunch with my parents or going to Church on Sunday morning, I feel sad knowing that my time is so limited to enjoy these things. Here's to hoping that after Boards, I'll have more time to do "real human being" things, like eat with other people and not in front of a computer for EVERY meal EVERY day and enjoy "breaks" without stressing about the fact that I'm not in the library at that moment.

Cushing's

I just had to share this because I think this is the best picture I've found of Cushings (hypercortisolism). Moon facies, abdominal striae, buffalo hump, central obesity, relatively thin extremities. This lady was 25 years old! Can be caused by a pituitary tumor, adrenal gland adenoma or.....(most often) the doctor prescribing too much steroids for chronic pain, inflammatory disorders (autoimmune disorders included), or to suppress the immune system.

The Final Stretch

Even though, I skip ...hmm...a little more than half of my classes now (maybe more...), it makes me a little sad that we only have a week and a half of med school classes left, forever. I can't believe it. My life is going to be so different....

Lent and Fasting

I really love Ash Wednesday. I love seeing the ash on the foreheads of the Catholics at the library, at the hospital and at the gym. One of the beauties of Lent is that all of us are called to be aware that it truly is a different time of the year--a season where we are called to come back to our foundation and get in touch with the Creator. Obviously, this is the goal year-round but Lent is a time to really focus on that goal and take extra efforts to work on our relationship with Christ.

I recently argued with some friends about the necessity of fasting (they were Coptic--which just made me more frustrated!). I think that if the Church has a fast going on, all of us fast. It shouldn't even be something that we have to think twice about. My friends argued that it depends on where you are "in your spiritual journey". To me, that part sounds really "I'm gonna go find myself in Tibet or learn from a yogi in India" or just simply a reflection of the ultra-individualistic mindset we have in the West. (I love the West, don't get me wrong). But that's also my personality--I like to follow rules and order and protocol, especially when I know that the writers of those rules know what they are talking about. Lent is about distancing ourselves from the world and getting closer to God. That requires different things of different people. I know that for me, my biggest challenge this Lent will to stay attuned to the season and not be overly consumed with boards. That seems like an almost impossible thing for me to fathom and at times I've caught myself thinking, I'd rather do well on boards then miss this Lent...I'll always have next year. But the reality is that EVERY year, I am just as busy as the next (maybe a little more busier than usual this year). And maybe the message here then is that Lent is a time to stop making excuses for ourselves. As Father Robert said on Sunday, its a time to uncloth the hypocrisy and face the ugliness of our sin.

Public Urination

LOL. Today, around 4 o clock, I was tired of sitting straight for seven hours straight at the library so I decided it was time to pack up early and head to the gym so I can avoid getting a DVT. I was talking to my mom on the phone while walking and took the "back" way to get to the Corner. As I turned to go up the stairs behind the Center for Global Health building, there was a homeless guy peeing on top of the stairs. He was standing right in the middle, on top of the stairs, so that his urine stream would make a parabola going down. I saw him, (I'm still on the phone with my mom) and I didn't know what to say. So I just said, "Excuse me." It took him about 40 seconds to realize that I just interrupted his public urination. However, I don't think he was aware that he was publically urinating (don't most people that do that pee on walls?). So when he realized what the scenario was, he started shrieking, "O man O man O man!!!" and then continued on to calling me some less appropriate phrases. I kept walking, pretending nothing unusual had happened and didn't look back at him as I walked in my usual fast pace.

So...moral of the story. The homeless drunks on the Corner rule the Corner and will cuss you out if you invade their "privacy". It was hilarious. But above all, I am thankful for my poor far-sighted vision....I didn't see anything...that's probably unfortunate for him. Seeing his state, he probably has a history of STIs or at the least...scabies.

Hoping Winter Leaves Soon...

If this cold weather (and I'm talking about the freezing temperatures in the library, too) does not go away soon, I'm going to end up looking like this lady. Her red blood cells clot in small vessels when it gets cold....

The Glory of the Worms

No, this is not chocolate pudding with topping. This is stool with an Ascaris on top. Ewwwwwww. Shocking statistic: 1/5 of the world's population has this worm living inside their bowels. The worst part is that even with the effective medication, the worm still has to come out!...i.e. you still have to go through the trauma of seeing a long fat worm come out of your body. Personally, I'd probably elect to visit my friendly neighborhood GI and have him/her take it out for me during a colonoscopy. There is just no need to suffer like that with available technology.....

Here We Go Again....How Much Longer

Today the Coptic Christians celebrate the birth of our Savior (we're on the Old Calendar). As the Christmas service was ending, a shooting was started in a village in Egypt. Six young Copts were killed. This story is getting really old. How many acts of violence do Christians and "infidels" need to suffer at the hands of these people?!

Two more news comments:
1. Ramy, the Egyptian dental student from Howard who is now in court in Pakistan apparently said yesterday at one of the first hearings, "We are not terrorists, we are jihadists....jihad is not terror." Ok, Ramy. And to think that this was someone who was getting a full-ride by an American university to become a well-paid dentist. Congratulations, Ramy for screwing up the rest of your life. Clearly, God is blessing you and guiding you down a REALLY GOOD path.

2. This is a great article on Europe's foolish political correctness towards a particular group of people. Parliament can really do the West a favor and go inspect Curry Mile in Manchester (I was sure I saw Bin Laden at a cafe there one night) and Edgeware Road in London. These places are more disgusting than places in the Middle East. http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/01/04/leiken.abdulmutallab.london/index.html

Rant done.