The Women Here

I believe that God prepares you for certain experiences in your life, sometimes in obvious ways other times in subtle and indirect ways. Yesterday we had a woman come in to the office to be screened for depression. When asked if she was unhappy, she said paused for a little bit and then answered yes. I have grown somewhat immune to that answer because most of our study participants are unhappy. The next question asked her if she cried more than usual. I watched her as she got teary-eyed and knew there was a story behind her positive answer. I decided to wait and see how the rest of the interview would go before I talked to her about her answers. I didn't have to wait long because she soon shared her story with us. It turned out that her husband had cheated on her and left her when she was two months pregnant. She was feeling absolutely miserable, blamed herself and had thoughts of ending her life.

I am currently reading "Eat Pray Love" and the first section of the book deals with the author's divorce process. A lot of what the author had said she felt was how this young lady in front of me as feeling too. Shame. Loneliness. Despair. Anger. At first, many thoughts were running through my head. I was imagining what this woman has and was going through. I pictured the slum, her house, her baby and her...abandoned. The women here are so extremely dependent on their husbands (which is why they heed any of their requests and tolerate constant abuse) that her state is equivalent to an orphan's. After a brief counseling session, I asked her if there was anything she needed to say or to ask. We spent a solid minute in silence. Assured that she had no intent to hurt herself, we said good-bye to her. I gave her the last salt and soap package (we had replaced that gift with cookies and bananas per the request of our mentors) and hugged her small, short body.

The women here...*sigh* what can I say about the women here. One of my mentors at school warned me about how the women here are treated. The literature shows that especially in poor areas, the women are totally covered...to protect themselves from acid-burning. If anybody thinks that being fully veiled is liberating or pro-women or whatever other senseless argument you come up with, you need to think VERY HARD about its inherent irrationality: that a human being has to cover itself and be a ghost among others. The women expect to be verbally and physically abused by their husbands (and our interviews show that domestic violence is not only common but the norm.) They have non-existent self-esteem: the majority of the women think they are worthless (a question in the depression screening) and how could they not when the men of their society teach them that and have engrained that in their heads and it is consequently reinforced by the elderly women. The women here *sigh* are married shortly after menarche, usually around 11-13 years old. So don't get excited if you see a low-class area set-up for a wedding. On the other hand, our psychologists (who are obviously from a higher class) are in their late 20s and early 30s and unmarried. When asked if people harass them about being unmarried, they reply no. Such a huge class difference. It is also rare to see an upper class woman with her hair covered, much less a full burkah.

The women here...hopefully will get their reward in heaven. These women, don't judge them and don't blame them. Hate what is causing their pain and misery instead.